Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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