The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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