you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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