My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
