sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
