My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
