Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He better not be in your backpack
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
