i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
