Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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