guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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