Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Enjoy the penises
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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