OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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