Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
