dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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