the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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