there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I believe in your delicious
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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