Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Can I color on your dick again?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
