I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
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