Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
