yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
