I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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