no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
