So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
