So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
