I faked an abortion last night.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
