We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
