i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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