I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I got her a Nickelback box set.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
