It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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