Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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