just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
