I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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