Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
