Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
