someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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