is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
