i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
