worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
