mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
