listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
