"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
