We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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