i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
