have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
