i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I need to align my fucking chakras
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
