Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
