i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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