help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
