how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
