thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
