I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
