just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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