She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
