i don't like sucking hair
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
