all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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